I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
