Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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