decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
