Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
