there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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