Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
