when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
