I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
