The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
