She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
