Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
