Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
