I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
