this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
