I'm eating all of the evidence.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Too much gin, very little bucket
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We talked him into tasing himself.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
