My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
