its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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