Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
