I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
