oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
