No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
