As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
