they need to just BURY HIM!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
