This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
