Texts From Last Night

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  (708): View more from Illinois

  Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me

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  (708): Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me http://tfl.nu/afk5
  Replies (2) Good night (1008) Bad night (638)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"

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  (713): eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae" http://tfl.nu/afr2
  Replies (7) Good night (768) Bad night (3346)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

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  (859): I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum. http://tfl.nu/asaw
  Replies (36) Good night (2817) Bad night (743)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.

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  (813): Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard. http://tfl.nu/8xvq
  Replies (22) Good night (4116) Bad night (613)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying

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  (574): all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying http://tfl.nu/ymvi
  Replies (15) Good night (4702) Bad night (567)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?

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  (407): Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ? http://tfl.nu/brtl
  Replies (10) Good night (4051) Bad night (1243)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

  (1-760): View more from California

  I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

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  (760): Why is your vibrator in the fridge? (1-760): I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there. http://tfl.nu/7etk
  Replies (40) Good night (6964) Bad night (1401)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.

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  (419): I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud. http://tfl.nu/pl89
  Replies (19) Good night (3888) Bad night (1001)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.

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  (604): I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune. http://tfl.nu/081q
  Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (519)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...

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  (210): I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti... http://tfl.nu/mzxu
  Replies (3) Good night (784) Bad night (1591)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.

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  (610): i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards. http://tfl.nu/8v5s
  Replies (11) Good night (2036) Bad night (553)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.

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  (229): It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night. http://tfl.nu/etjs
  Replies (3) Good night (1322) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.

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  (224): Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please. http://tfl.nu/hx0x
  Replies (13) Good night (1334) Bad night (480)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.

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  (309): There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/encj
  Replies (6) Good night (824) Bad night (327)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.

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  (704): You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor. http://tfl.nu/wkix
  Replies (0) Good night (234) Bad night (376)

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