i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.