Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
