3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY