He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased