Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.