I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
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Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
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If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.