There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook