I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.