man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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