I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.