do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You can't motorboat a personality
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
