hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
