so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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