Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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