I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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