someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
