So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
