i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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