Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
