do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
