fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
