I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
