I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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