I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
