He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
