"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
