thus making me awesome and them whores
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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