We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
