brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
