If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i love accidental penises.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Randomize
