I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
