I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
