Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
