his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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