I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
