looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
