It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
