just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
