Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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