New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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