I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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