I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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