Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
