my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
