you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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