I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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