I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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